Everything that has a beginning has an end. Being a Buddhist, this is not a concept that I'm unfamiliar of, yet it was the hardest one to accept.
The last 14 months was probably the most challenging time of my life. Within a few months, I experienced lost of a relationship, lost of almost everything that I've owned and built up during that relationship and then lost of Cleo. Followed by trying to pick myself back up while carrying all the sorrows, regrets and guilt I had. It was the kind of sadness that could happen to anyone anyday, but for me, the day lasted days, weeks and then months.
What came out of these experiences – the meltdown opening the vet's sympathy card, which you refused to open even months after your pet died, and found there were a paw print included; the collapse from heat exhaustion, during a half marathon you've trained for months, at a few yards before the finish line; the denial of happiness, that you slept on an aero-mattress for 7 months and 12 days, even at last minute in front of the checkout counter at Ikea you felt like you can't pay because buying a bed means accepting this is your new reality, that you are alone – is that I know how to appreciate what is in front of me before I lose them; is that I know I can fall down and still be a winner; is that I know I can be happy again.
What I also learned was that I am never alone and I am loved. I am surrounded by people who think I am the most precious thing they have and they will always be there for me because they love me, regardless of the mistakes that I've made. I am proud that I am part of their lives.
So, here I am again, ready to share my thoughts, ready to search for my happiness, ready to continue what I left off. I'm rebooting this blog, it is now Buddhafied: Reincarnated. Same format, same run-on sentences, a new me.
I am back. Happy 2012, everyone.
